Monday, January 26, 2015

one little thought can transcend into a worry - which can escalate to a whole array of worries. sigh, too much paranoia.

to remove paranoia and worry, to replace with faith and trust - i pray.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

what do you think about when you are on the train?

Sometimes, it seems as though our thoughts are in replay mode. Its almost too obvious what is important to you, to the point it almost, almost becomes an obsession.i think about A, then B, then scroll through whatever i can find on the little phone screen, and then think about A, then B again. 

“You are the LORD, you alone. You have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and you preserve all of them; and the host of heaven worships you" 

A reminder of the great God I worship. I've been reading a book about prayer - which talks about how prayer shifts our perspective. Instead of looking upstream (from our problems - looking for someone who can do something about it), we ought to look at it downstream.  First we focus on God and who he is, and then we look at our problems/circumstances, from his perspective.  In many things, its all about perspective. posture. attitude. 

As I continue into my second year of work, I'm glad that my perspective towards work has changed - for the better. I am beginning to see why I am where I am, and I am beginning to see the lives of the people I see daily in a different light.  I am beginning to see that work can be a blessing - not just for the financial security, but for the opportunity to partner our Father to take care of this earthly world those who live in it.  

That being said, I am truly looking forward to my break! (: Have never been to hong kong before so I have no idea what to expect. But I'm excited! for all the yummy food, the getaway from work, and the precious time spent with my parents. I'm incredibly thankful for my family and j's family - who have accepted the other half of us so wholeheartedly into the family.  Sunday dinners have become a regular thing that it feels odd when I havent been over in a week - they treat me like one of them (almost) and well justin's definitely a part of us(: 

I'm so so excited for the year ahead - with a few trips already planned. and all else that the year has to bring. 20 days has already passed and the year is going to fly by before we know it. enjoy every moment x

Sunday, January 11, 2015

succumbed

to the family germs after a few weeks. ): guess its time for a rest

HK next week & vietnam in march - this year is starting to look really fun! also a year of jubilee - a year of trusting for God's provision and giving up control to the sovereign one. its always exciting when you give up control to the one who does it better isnt it?

there are some things i feel more and more drawn to, no matter how it seems like nothing is going to work out. but this morning i was reminded from genesis 15 - through Abraham who similarly, did not see how God's blessing was coming to come true, seeing as how he did not even have a single heir of his own. But yet God told him it would, and Abraham believed - and it was credited to him as righteousness. so I will believe - and I will trust.

it seems like the years get better and better as one walks closer and closer to the Father. (: life is hard but life is a journey and an exciting one at that.


Thursday, January 8, 2015

The kingdom of heaven

What does it mean to you, and what would you give up for it?A


I pray that I will understand this deep within my heart - how precious this is. I pray that I will stop worrying about the many things in life and about my future - for He has it all in control

Sunday, January 4, 2015

friendships

i started the year being reminded of friendships. there are days when it doesnt matter so much, im happy with the friends i have and those i can count on. i dont need that many friends anyway - it takes a lot of time and energy to keep up with that many people and when you're in a relationship you have to commit time to it too- not just because you are being exclusive, but because time and effort is required for it. and i do actually have enough friends.

but there are days when i wonder if im that hard to get along with, why does it seem that its so hard for me to make friends, or have a close group of girlfriends i can count on, or maybe there's something wrong with me. but thats when im looking at certain friends who well - didnt really quite work out.

i admit i was slightly disappointed when friends came back and didnt have time to meet up at all. i guess i thought we were close enough to warrant that meetup. not that im not blaming them, but i was looking forward to catching up and i have to admit that i felt some disappointment when no effort was made, yet i understand how its hard to catch up with everyone when its just within a short time frame, and the list of people to catch up with is probably endless. but on friday i was tremendously blessed by the sharing of a close friend - thankful that she chose to share with me something so close to her heart, and to meet up with dear j. because of what happened with the rest, i knew all the more how much this meant to me that she was able to take time out to meet me even though it was one day before her flight, and i was deeply blessed by the sharing. we wasted no time in small talk but we were able to share about our year in great depth (at least to me) and what God has been doing in our lives, and we encouraged each other in that short few hours. i guess thats why we became good friends since 2011 - despite the fact that our meetings are always short and sporadic; and we are never actually living in the same country. in 2011 we first met in sydney, then in 2012 in brisbane over june, and at perth at convention, in 2013/2014 in singapore. its funny how some friendships work, but im tremendously blessed by this friendship, a thousand times over.

but then i went for a wedding where there were so many people i knew, but didnt really know. and it brought back memories of a past that really wasnt the best. i will never know what these people think of me, whether it was because of certain rumours/truths they heard but never talked about; or perhaps we truly just drifted apart. whether it was because it was really the lack of opportunity to get to know one another, or was it something else. perhaps its my own insecurities that holds me back from walking up to them and just talking to them as per normal. perhaps its just not a good fit, and we are just poles apart. whatever it is, it doesnt seem quite right. but i can live without confronting any of these because i am no longer living abroad - but it is at events like these that these thoughts and memories slap me in the face once again.

i wonder if all these should be written on a public platform, but these have been my thoughts over the new year. this year, i promise myself to appreciate those i have around me, to appreciate the person God has made me to be, and not to overwhelm myself with the things that are not meant to be. know that Jesus had close disciples, but he also had many who betrayed him and who never accepted him. friendships are important, but it is not everything. and with that, i want to be grateful for every single friendship that God has blessed me with - thank you for journeying with me through this life on earth, and for making this journey more joyful, more fruitful, making life better and easier.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

and the world grieves

a part of the world is grieving because many have been killed, overnight, due to an accident no one could foresee. some grieving personally, some slightly solemn, some just continuing on with their lives. 

a part of the world is busy being productive, churning out reports and meeting expectations and  trying to perform at work. can they earn enough, save enough for their future, for their next holiday. yet another - so quiet, so peaceful, going about their daily routines - be it driving people from one spot to the next, or whipping up delicious dishes for people who come their way - perhaps their worries surround the weather, whether or not they would have enough customers to be able to feed them for the day. 

life can be such an irony sometimes.. the things that plague our minds. 

Thursday, December 25, 2014

if i stay

cried buckets watching this movie... but its such a thought provoking one.. if we could, would we choose to stay or leave? sometimes life is so painful that we just want to quit but we cant. what holds us back, what gives us meaning?

this christmas i learnt the meaning of family. yes christmas is about the birth of jesus - and we celebrate the greatest gift of all.. but being able to spend time with family, the home filled with children, love and laughter brings so much warmth to my heart achs well. being home for christmas as someone who is finally home for good, and being back just for holiday feels so different. and at the end when we were all sitting at the christmas tree unwrapping our presents and laughing away, i really felt so blessed and it was a great cuddly feeling!

to be able to spend christmas in church is also very warm. i think its actually my first christmas service? i dont remember any other christmas service... and at the end of the day having this day off and public holiday to be able to go to church to celebrate this joyous occasion with fellow brothers and sisters in christ. thats what it is all about (:

it is a good season.. even though i was dreading it initially because it felt like there was so much hype and parties and that really drains me.. but in the end everything turned out well(:

& 2015 is coming!

ending off with some reindeer cupcakes that i baked for christmas! i really liked the taste of this cupcake - i used dark cocoa powder. although initially i freaked out because it was black instead of brown.. haaha