Tuesday, October 14, 2014

seemed like yesterday where I bought my favourite fried chicken for dinner before my nt Class, and seemed like yesterday where I felt so overwhelmed at work and had to go back to finish my notes and Justin came to pick me and cheer me up! but tomorrow is Wednesday again and time for my next lesson!  its actually 2 more classes and I'm halfway through - time truly flies. before I know it, ill be officially one year into my job!

I feel like perhaps - I've committed to too many things too fast too soon that I'm not getting enough rest/me time/time with God. so I'm trying to be more intentional about it now! But Singapore is truly just hectic in general - sometimes I think I'm caught up in the mindset that in order to be productive/make the best of my life I need to be constantly doing something.. :/

in one year, I've started work, started a relationship, settled back into church, settled into a cg  (still ongoing), started serving with the youth, started bgst, signed up for mpc, started running again,  healthserve. One mg and one mentor. on top of adjusting back to family commitments and rekindling old friendships. that's a lot for me.. 

so after going through the motions, I think now is the season to rest intentionally. so for that, I'm thankful that j has a work trip coming up! I'll miss him but it's a good time for me to rest a lil more. ^^

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

just read about how phelps is going for rehab. makes me wonder about human nature  - we strive to become better, to reach the top and when we reach the top - we dont know what to do with our lives. we dont know how to cope with the glory. no matter how good we are, we all have our own issues and troubles. reminds me of the convo i had with j about how everyone would have their own issues - the top student and the bottom student, the one who seemingly has it all and the one who doesnt.

so before we strive even harder, before we begin on an endless chase for something better, ask ourselves why. our motivations, our heart - search it deep and ask why. im not saying its wrong - but dont lose sight of what is most important.

this morning i had a conversation with a colleague about how i could have done more for one of my p. initially i was pretty affected as it seemed like i did something "wrong" but after a while, i was thankful that it was a good learning experience for me. after all its still my first year out and i was wondering about my plan for that p as well. i was also reflecting on the decisions i had made. so im glad that someone can provide some insight into the matter(:

that being said - there is always this inner battle at the back of my mind about this whole xx thing. I know it wont be settled anytime soon but I think its going to be one of the longest journeys ive ever taken, shouldnt think so much now and enjoy my 'youth' while i still can! as much as im excited for new phases of life - but im also reminded that its not going to be easy and there will be a lot of
more work & responsibilities.

alright tonight shall be an early night again! just one day of work and im all ready to just roll into bed.haha

goodnight world x

Monday, October 6, 2014

Thank god for public holidays

Nothing like being in a cafe on a weekday, just with a cuppa & some reading material. its something I miss so terribly. but I'm so thankful for the opportunity to just sit down and enjoy the hour or two with my study material! and grateful that I actually managed to finish reading it - it's a lot of pages to finish in one sitting especially for someone so easily distracted like me.  

met these girls and our math teacher for lunch today too. despite all the difficulties in actually meeting up - I'm thankful that we did. It reminded me of how far we have come, and how we really ought to be thankful for where we are able to be today. 

I shouldn't need a public holiday to be able to spend quality time with my Father - but it has definitely made it easier.. so despite my own inner angst, I am thankful for today.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

so many things have been happening - Singapore is indeed too eventful, I need to learn to say no? and I'm tired so I'm just gonna sleep. Thankful for tomorrow's public holiday!

thankful that Sunday - Justin is getting baptised and his entire  family has agreed to come! This is a first for his dad since I've known him so it's really a prayer answered.

There is too many things happening and my quiet time is suffering. block out the noises of the world my dear. but family, boyf, and church is enough to keep me occupied.

and here is a picture of us and phoebe's wedding! I'm at the age where going for weddings now makes me think of the kind of wedding I would like to have. But that aside - I'm so thankful for the conversations I've had with fellow ocfers during that dinner x

Saturday, September 27, 2014

saturdate! happy three (:

we discovered a new quaint place that we both really liked today (; in sentosa! havent been to sentosa in a really really long time. the last i remembered was sw's comms ball haha that was like 5? years ago??  its touristy, but not as crowded as i thought it would be. especially before 1pm(:

lunch at tablescape! 

our mocktail called Cinderella! (: 

 yumyum (: it was a quiet, fine lunch which we enjoyed in peace. bread as starters; salad/soup for appetizer; his beef/my barrumundi; and ice cream for dessert ^^ we were both very satisfied after that!

we (especially j) really liked the feel/ambience of the place - he kept raving about it and how he really wanted to come back and stay here in the future! if we can - after we get married in the far future haha

we headed to underwaterworld after - and enjoyed a show put up by these pink dolphins & sea lions!

 i love watching dolphins jump and leap - there's something so elegant and beautiful about them, i could watch them the whole day

i also really like these underwater tunnels(: of course this was much older as compared to the newer sea aquarium, but it was still an afternoon well spent just taking some time off our busy lives to spend time with each other. im glad we made this agreement to spend at least once a month to do something more special rather than the usual routine. to be honest, its only three months but we have definitely settled into our own routine already! most of the time - if we are able to meet on weekdays its dinner at my place. weekends is spend running errands/attending events/gatherings together, church and then dinner with each other's family. so i appreciate the times when we are able to just put aside everything else and just be with each other. and i hope we dont stop doing that!
taking touristy shots with the merlion! just like two months ago when we took a photo with the merlion in front of fullerton. 
was also just talking to the brother about results and about progressions with j and it just makes me think about how our society can be so performance driven. even when its not the paper chase, grades, we still look at performance in some way or another. i guess society needs to have a benchmark somehow? but still, is it not tiring to always be trying to meet a certain expectation thats placed on us artificially? by another human being? im glad our God is not a performance based God but one who provides the way back to Him despite our rebellion & failures. and in that, we can trust, we can be secure, we can hide under His wings. 

alright, going to attempt to run a 10km tomorrow. my aim is to finish it without walking. (: 


how do you know what is your calling??

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

"The way to find your calling is to look at the way you were created. Your gifts have not emerged by accident" - Tim Keller

In an asian culture, sometimes its hard to identify our gifts. We shy away from acknowledging what we are good at, afraid of being seemed as arrogant, and not being able to live up to expectations after. But God does create us with gifts - and I guess we should learn to embrace these gifts and acknowledge them and use them to serve His Kingdom and to serve His people. but to remember that failure does not mean that we are not gifted anymore, having a gift in a particular area does not mean that we are perfect, we are human afterall.. 

my grandma randomly asked about our housing plans in the future after we get married. haha it was quite funny but sorry not yet! 

I've been learning and reflecting on the concept of Sabbath and rest. (in my not so well state). The sabbath is something God commanded. seems strange isnt it? Why does he need to order us to rest when we always say we want to rest, we are tired, but yet we struggle to set aside time to truly rest. such an irony! but rest is part of God's perfect intentions and plans for us as mankind - so I am going to learn to obey & rest.  

Sunday, September 21, 2014

sometimes a person's comment can really linger in my mind and affect me more than it should.
sometimes the inner battles within me can really drain me.
sometimes being with people too much can really drain me. although i get really recharged by one on one, deep & personal conversations.

to let go of the need to prove myself, to let go of the need to have to be accepted by everyone, to let go of all these sinful nature in me.

"Out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person."

there is too much wickedness in this world, and we have accepted them as part of our nature and our society - that we dont even recognise them anymore. that scares me. O Lord, purify my heart and make me clean, keep me in your righteousness.

Lord in praying for the matter about my future slightly more in recent days, it has revealed a lot of fears in my heart. the fear of failure, of people's judgement, of not being able to fulfil my own expectations. of not being able to make it or take the stress/toughness of it.of not coping. fears that I did not know existed.

i used to want a wedding with lots of people at a really nice hotel. but after attending a few weddings, i think perhaps a cosy one would do ^^

im so tired, but thank you lord for a weekend to look forward to this week - quietness with you, me and my favourite boy. i know you will bring me through this week (: