Monday, December 15, 2014

its mid dec

so fast, so soon. 

we get all excited making plans for the future but when we think about it seriously, sometimes it can be pretty scary. such big decisions we make. 

thankful for the step forward we made in our relationship over the weekend - albeit a tearful one. that we learnt how to talk better, instead of just resolving emotions. 

there are a lot of thoughts on my mind, such as how people have a whole lot of advice for others even when they sometimes dont seemingly subscribe to it. or you know, the same concept does not apply to everyone. im guilty of it too. we always think we know best, but do we really? 

in other words ive been very thankful of where ive been in the past year. its been a massive year - with all the transitions and movements and changes. but its been a great one. there were ups and downs but i was generally quite aware of the presence of God in my life and that was mostly comforting. that in the challenges and when i drifted, he drew me back to himself. 

2015 would be a big year for j in terms of work - and therefore us. all the way til mid 2016. and then only God knows what our future holds. j always talks about how 20-30 are the years where many major transitions and changes take place and thats true. but then by the time you are in your 30s you have kids and then each year is different and moving and we huff and we puff along. life - what does it mean to have life? 

too often i say something and i wonder if i should have said it. then sometimes i remember that its alright to say the wrong things sometimes, because i am not perfect and its alright for people to know that. its my pride that wants to upload a certain image of myself. but yet i know that all it takes is one comment to bring a person down. because all too often, that happens to me 

goodnight, 1 down 5 to go 

Saturday, December 6, 2014

what is the meaning and purpose of your life?

When we grow old and look back at our lives, what would it have been for?

although we are young now, it is so important to think about this question now in order that we may live lives that are worthy and lives that are meaningful. and that is why i am so thankful for my profession that has enabled me to think about this question a lot.

we looked at 4 questions Jesus asked.
1. "What do you want" (john 1:38)
      - and followed it with come and see
      - if we are brutally honest and ask ourselves what are the prayers and desires that we want in our lives? what it is? what do i pray for, what do i desperately cry out for. do i desperately cry out for my friend's salvation, or my hurting friend's needs, or for my broken soul? or do i cry out when i need something?
     - studies have shown that as we grow more affluent, we dont become more happy. as we become more successful, we dont become more satisfied. we become stuck on an endless treadmill and its hard to get off. yet we dont learn, we want to be better, richer, more successful. O lord, keep me humble and take my desires and mould me
    - Lord may I meet you in a way that satisfies my greatest need and desire

2. "do you want to leave as well?"  John 6:67
    - to whom shall we go when jesus has the words of eternal life?

3. "where shall WE buy the bread to feed all these people" John 6:5
   - he can do it himself but he ask his disciple how shall they do it. do I see the starving world out there that God wants to feed? look up and see the multitude..

4. "Do you love me"?
   - it is not what are your qualifications, do you have enough intellect, do you have enough finances, do you have this or that but do you love me.
   - it is similar to the time when God told me it is not your mind i want but your heart

these people are so amazing and so brilliant yet so humble and so passionate and loving. it amazes me. it is not only the theology they speak out but their lives and examples they support it with. it really spoke right into my heart. it made God & Jesus even more real than before. with a deeper conviction of who God and his eternal purpose and destiny for us.

also found this on youtube: great answer to a difficult question

it has been a great 2 days - cant be more grateful.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Helping the thinker believe and the believer think

to be honest, ive never been much of a thinker.. a reflecter perhaps, but not thinker. im not one who
questions a lot - it is in my nature and character to accept things given to me most of the time. but my time in Australia developed my thinking mind and at times, I was forced to think. despite the fact that sometimes they drove me crazy, i am incredibly thankful to have met the people i met who made me think - about my faith, about what i believed in, about the bible i proclaimed.

and i am so thankful for privilege of attending the rzim conference this year. what an eye opener. to hear these people speak with such passion and such great content. listening to them honestly rejuvenates me.

what makes us human? what does it mean to be created in the image of God? what is the meaning of life? can the bible be trusted? how was the bible compiled?

too tired to type out a reflection... but it was a good day.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

in sickness & in health

on saturday, i witnessed a dear friend of mine get married. on sunday, i was at work when i saw how a husband cared for his wife in sickness & in health. nobody knows what the future entails - we all hope for a healthy body until we are old and its "okay" to fall sick. but there are many people who fall sick when they are much younger with a long way ahead of them. and the relationship changes so much because the communication changes, the way they date changes, the way they live changes as well. that is the true test of any relationship.

and as i saw how their relationship was still so loving and genuine despite everything they have been through - that really tugged at my heartstrings. will i be able to not blame anyone or anything for my circumstances? will i be able to be so patient and caring despite the difficulties? even now, i am not as patient and loving as i should be. many times i am impatient and i think about myself before thinking about him. love is not all about a bed of roses and happy times and romance - love is about seeing each other through the good and the bad times. to accept each other for the good traits as well as the flaws. to think for the other person before self. to sacrifice, to serve, to care, to share.

it might be hard but it is worth every moment.

Monday, November 24, 2014


This morning there was a stirring inside and I  had to drag myself to work. But this was a perfect antedote to a Monday - good food,  good company and a whole lot of laughter. such a cheery bunch!

There was also little moments and meetings with various people at work which made me pause and think hey - this is actually pretty meaningful. p who thank you so wholeheartedly for that little time you spent with them. They might not remember who you are or what you did but at least I know that in that fifteen minutes or more - they had company, they were taking part in meaningful and beneficial activity. and they were happy not to be left lying there in bed for the entire time. and I guess - that's what I signed up for isn't it? (: 

so, it wasn't that bad a Monday after all. In the little moments, stop and ponder. stop and appreciate. stop and be content.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

suffering & the cross

Psalms 2
"I will tell of the decree: The LORD said to me," You are my Son; today I have begotten you. Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage and the ends of the earth your possession. You shall break them with a rod of iron and dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel."

Jesus. the cross. in revisiting Mark in my lectures it has brought to life the idea that the cross is central to the identity of Jesus. that Jesus as the son of God was only complete after His death. the concept of suffering rather than conventional greatness, the concept of being rejected. thats the cross redefined for me - its not just about taking our place, but its also about the unconventional King, the suffering Messiah. and when we are called to follow Him, this journey includes suffering. includes being rejected, misunderstood, loneliness, pain. there is joy in the greater picture, but we cannot overlook the suffering, the cross. "deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me."

similarly from today's sermon -  there is no need to defend ourselves, wait and let your actions speak for themselves. In the time of waiting, God can do something that we cannot do. wait on God, do not just wait for people or circumstances to change - and in that waiting, we are changed.

this is such a hard concept to grasp and internalise - when very often we feel the need to fight for our rights, that no one will protect us and we have to protect ourselves. that if we are easy pushovers, the world will take advantage of us. where do we draw the line? very often, i have to remind myself of this meekness, of this unconventional greatness. of the way Jesus came, lived and died.

but it can be all fluffy concepts and ideas if we do not apply it into situations and moments of our lives. & this is a lifelong learning journey.

never before have i waited for so long for something so uncertain. but i do not wish for time to fast forward, for i am not ready to make such big decisions. for now, i am happy where i am (: 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

someone is back (:

We delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses buy completes the enjoyment - that is why we are called to praise God

if god is for us, then he must be for himself. His ultimate goal is to preserve and display his infinite and awesome greatness worth, that is, his glory.

guess who is back!! 

the boyfriend aka chauffeur aka running buddy aka food buddy aka the best friend (: 

came back with a whole lot of goodies too!! yumtum

brunch @ strangers reunion before work. how awesome to be able to head to a cafe on a weekday where its quiet and chill (: 
sunday night with the nephews! children are really such bundles of joy - they bring such liveliness into our lives and are always the centre of attention! we have 3 little ones so far and 1 on the way - definitely more to come. four generations now! its interesting to see how the family grows and expands(: 
after our run! so glad to have him back to run with me - i have no motivation to run when he isnt around although i tried to still keep it up. although i am the ex-runner, it started dwindling over the years and after a while it was a constant struggle to put on my shoes and fit some exercise into my schedule. our first run together was 3 may (vesak day?) and i was struggling to finish 5km. in fact i insisted on doing exactly 5km (knowing macritchie well helped) and walked part of it. haha! ive come really far since then! 2 more weeks to my 2nd half marathon, the first being five years ago back in 2009, and im quite excited! 

so thankful that this week I'm on shift and we get to spend our mornings together since he is on time off from work (in a way), so its great timing (: